


Call me Kitty

by shushu_yaoi_lj



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Crack, I'm Sorry, Inappropriate erections in the proximity of pets, Kissing, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Mention of wanking, Orgasm Delay, Pet Names, Pet Shop AU, Rimming, Shameless Smut, this is seriously ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:48:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27102985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shushu_yaoi_lj/pseuds/shushu_yaoi_lj
Summary: “I want that one!” Mordelia says, pointing at Snow.Not at a pet behind him or in the vicinity of him. She points at him.Well, my lovely sister, I want that one too.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 44
Kudos: 189





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire/gifts).



> This is complete and utter nonsense that came from [ this post on Tumblr ](https://memewhore.tumblr.com/post/632179972435476480) and made me and [ Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire/pseuds/Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire) go off on a tangent. This is for you, Di, because you’re such a lovely person and an amazing friend and you deserve all the smutty nonsense that I can produce.  
> Apologies, this has not been beta read (it’s too absurd and I felt embarrassed).

I hate Mondays.

Especially since the summer holidays have started and I can’t even complain about the weekend ending and having to work. It’s just bloody Monday.

“Baz, hurry up!” Mordelia tugs at my shirt and I already feel murderous. Daphne has decided that it was time for my little sister to finally have a pet. And of course it was my job to take her to the nearest pet shop in Watford to look for a suitable victim.

We get into the car and she starts complaining about the music. Then she moans about the air-conditioning. Finally, she whines about the fact that we’re not there yet.

When we eventually arrive and get out of my father’s jaguar, I already feel like incinerating the whole building. But when we open the door to the shop, my mouth drops open. Because he’s here.

Simon Snow is here.

Wearing a green apron, his bronze curls bouncing on his head when he turns with a smile to greet us and then freezes when he sees me.

He’s my roommate at Watford Uni. I bet he was happy to get rid of me over the holidays and he wonders if I’ve come to haunt him at his summer job (I honestly had no idea he worked here, otherwise I would have suggested much sooner to get my dear sister a pet). We parted in the worst kind of way in June. I was drunk and I told him that I loved him and he simply stared at me and said that he wasn’t gay. That was just the beginning of my shitty summer.

“I want that one!” Mordelia says, pointing at Snow.

Not at a pet behind him or in the vicinity of him. She points at him.

Well, my lovely sister, I want _that one_ too. I would snog him against the counter right now, if only I could, but he appears to be taken by one Agatha Wellbelove.

“You can’t have that. That’s a grown man,” I say calmly and Snow raises both eyebrows at us.

“I don’t care, I want him. I’m going to call him Kitty.”

“Err…” Snow says, unsure how to react to my sister’s insanity, “I’m sure we have plenty of pets for you to choose from.”

It sounds more like a question than a statement and it makes Mordelia frown. She looks like she’s about to lose her shit and that’s not good news.

“What about a rabbit? Or a guinea pig?” I suggest, eager to leave as soon as possible and avoid making a fool of myself in front of him.

“We have hamsters and gerbils too,” Snow finally moves closer (how does he manage to always smell like freshly baked cinnamon buns?) and he kneels down in front of her. “I can show you all our pets, if you want. Maybe your brother can help us.”

He winks at me. Mordelia nods and a faint blush appears on her cheeks when he smiles at her. I feel like I might melt too.

He lets her hold a few pets and he explains what they are like and Mordelia seems to soften a bit (I feel like an ice-cream in the sun, when he’s around).

“Do you have a girlfriend?” she asks him out of the blue and he chuckles.

“No, I broke up with her a few weeks ago. I’m completely free.”

His eyes meet mine and I feel like I might faint, because I swear that he can read my mind, that he can see that I’m happy, relieved, hungry for him. I lick my lips and he opens his mouth.

“That’s good,” I whisper and he holds his breath.

“Yeah,” he says, “that’s really good.”

“I want a gerbil,” Mordelia suddenly says, “but I don’t like those. I want an orange and a black one.”

“That’s ok, but we don’t have any in store at the moment. We’re getting some this afternoon though,” he explains and then his eyes lock with mine again, “maybe your brother can come and get them for you later.”

I swallow and nod. That sounds like an invitation.

“I can come whenever you want,” I say, my voice low. God, I want him so badly. My fingers brush against his on the way to the counter and his eyes don’t leave mine.

“Come at five, when we close,” he whispers, “I’m the one closing today. I can let you get the gerbils and then we can…catch up.”

“Yes,” I mutter, because that’s the only word I can seem to get out of my mouth.

I spend the rest of the day in a daze, counting the hours that separate us and trying to keep myself busy. I read a book (more like read the same sentence for half an hour), lock myself in my room and have a wank thinking about him, then I take a shower and spend a good twenty minutes choosing my outfit for the evening.

By five I’m already outside of the pet shop and I wait for Snow’s colleagues to leave, before knocking on the closed door and holding my breath when he finally opens.

“Hey,” I whisper and he drags me in by the collar of my shirt, then shuts the door behind me. The shop is dark, all the lights are off and the curtains are shut. He stares at me, his eyes open wide and his fingers still clenched around the soft fabric of my shirt.

“Baz,” he whispers, “I have a list in my head of things I want to do to you.”

I moan and feel him pressed against me. He’s definitely happy to see me.

“I thought you weren’t gay,” I reply, because I need to make sure that we’re both on the same page. He shakes his head and moves even closer, his hips rocking against mine in such a delicious way.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you, about what you said,” he whispers, his lips just an inch away from mine, “say it again.”

“You forgot your manners, Kitty,” I tease him, because I feel like I might explode. Simon Snow is about to kiss me and he said that he missed me.

“Please,” he whispers, his lips brushing against mine and then moving away again.

“I love you, Simon.”

He lets out a small moan as his lips collide with mine, soft and warm and I open up for him, wanting his tongue in my mouth, wanting to kiss him back, to make it hot and messy. His hands are all over me, grabbing my shirt and sliding underneath it, bringing me closer.

“God, you taste so nice,” he whispers against my lips, his dick hard, rubbing against mine.

“I want you so badly,” I confess and he kisses me like it’s the end of the world, like his life depends on it, until our lips are red and puffy and I’m out of breath.

“Maybe we should move this to your room,” I suggest, sliding my fingers through his curls, “take me home, Snow.”

“Call me Kitty,” he whispers, dragging me closer to kiss me some more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Filthy smut in a pet shop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been up since 4:30 (the joys of being a parent) and my brain produced this, so I kind of felt like I had to write it (I probably shouldn't have). [ Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire/pseuds/Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire) please accept my apologies for the PWP, but I thought it might cheer you up.  
>  **I have changed the rating to explicit and updated the tags, please double check them before you start reading. ******

He has me pinned against the counter, my t-shirt rolled up under my armpits and my trousers and pants in a messy pile on the floor. He would never do that to his own posh clothes, but I don’t mind. Not when he’s doing those unspeakable things with his mouth on my back and his fingers are brushing against my nipples in such a mind-blowing way.

“Baz…” I plead, because I want him to touch me _there_ and he won’t. He’s such a fucking tease.

“Shhh, be a good kitten and keep your voice down, or you will scare the birds.”

I don’t even know why we’re having sex here, since I have a perfectly functional room and he lives in a fucking mansion, but we’ve spent the whole summer shagging here, when the pet shop is closed and it’s dark and quiet. Well, except for my loud moaning and swearing.

“Fuck, Baz, please touch my cock.”

He holds my hips from behind, fingers digging into my flesh, and he trails open-mouthed kisses down my back, then he kneels down and gently strokes my thighs and my arse.

“Open your legs, love,” he whispers and I simply do it, a shiver running down my spine. I turn my head to look at him in the eyes and I can see them glinting mischievously in the dark.

What does he have in mind? He puts his cool hand in the small of my back and gently pushes me down, his fingers sliding down my arse-cheeks, spreading them with his thumbs.

“Fuck, Baz!” I feel the first tentative lick and I gasp loudly, my back arching.

“Be a good Kitty and bend over for me, love,” he says, his voice hoarse. I do as he asks, because he sounds like he has a plan (he always does; he’s constantly plotting my sexual demise) and then I feel the swipe of his tongue over my hole, the wet warmth spreading on my skin as I let out the most obscene sounds that have ever escaped my mouth.

He continues ruining me with his tongue, licking and lapping, then sucking and even biting my cheeks. I beg and I beg him to touch me, because I think I might go off, unless he puts his fucking hands on my cock.

“Please, Baz, I want to come.”

“Not yet, kitten,” his tongue makes its way inside me and my knees give away. He holds me and then stands up, keeping me pressed against my body, but still avoiding my cock. I’ve never been so hard in my entire life. But I know it will be worth it in the end. It always is with him.

I can hear him fumbling with his clothes. He’s still completely dressed, the twat; he even has a waistcoat on (and it’s bloody August). I hear the familiar _click_ of the lube getting opened and then I shiver at the sound his zip makes as it gets pulled down. I bite my lips, waiting for him to touch me.

“Look at you,” he murmurs in my ear, “so hard for me. I could make you beg for my dick in your arse.”

“Please…” I whimper, because I’m shameless and I’m dying for him to fuck me.

He brushes his slick finger against my entrance and I hold my breath as I feel it breaching me, so slowly. I groan and try to move, but his other hand on my hip is keeping me still. He adds another finger and I’m practically incoherent, making loud needy sounds and gasping as he drives me insane.

“Baaaz,” I whimper, “come on, I’m ready.”

“One more finger,” he says, his voice strained.

“I like feeling your cock stretching me open,” I confess, “I like the burn. Come on.”

“You’re such a menace,” he mutters and then tells me, “hands on the counter, love. Be a good pet.”

He pulls his fingers out of me and I keen at the lack of contact, but then his slick cock finally pushes inside me and I gasp as I feel it opening me up, making its way inside me, inch by tantalising inch. I close my eyes and enjoy the slow drag of his cock, slipping in and out of me.

“Fuck, you feel so hot and tight,” he mumbles against my ear and then he starts fucking me at a steady pace, sucking on my neck in the spot that makes me lose control. I moan loudly and I feel like I’m going to lose it, because he’s fucking me hard and the sound of his skin slapping against mine, his breath in my ear, his fingers on my hips, it’s all too much.

“Please make me come,” I beg again.

“I want you to come in my mouth,” he pants, “I want you to fill my mouth with your hot come.”

“Yes, fuck, yes!” I scream and I want his come inside me. Now.

“Say it, kitten,” he begs, “please say it.”

“I love you, Baz,” I moan, “I love you so much.”

And that’s all he needs to come, so hard that I can feel him tensing against my back and then holding me so close for what feels like ages, whimpering and calling my name over and over again.

He pulls out and I can feel his warm come inside me, slowly trickling down my thighs.

“Baz…”

He turns me around and sinks to his knees again, taking me into his mouth without even giving me the time to lean on the counter. I thread my fingers into his hair and gently stroke his face. And then I feel the tension in me building, as his tongue swipes across the head of my cock, sucking on the precome. Then he swallows me whole, hollowing his cheeks and I feel my orgasm coming, like a light at the end of a tunnel, until I shout his name and I shoot my come down his throat, a sob escaping my lips. I feel it down to my toes, curling in my socks, like an electric shock that shakes me to the core.

I just stand there panting, his come still inside me, as he stands up and pulls me into his arms. I rest my head on his shoulder and sigh.

“You’re such a crazy fuck,” I whisper.

“I love you too,” he murmurs, with a smile on his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Uhm...I hope you liked it?


End file.
